I got the big decisions right

Today I crashed my big fast car into a big brick wall,
rebounded into a crowd of folk
and managed to kill them all.
But I once read the highway code
and I’d checked my reversing light
so I’ve written to the Met to say
I got the big decisions right.
This morning first thing
I went for a shower,
took an electric drill in with me
and switched on the power.
My heart stopped twice
and my hair is a sight
but I love hospital food
so got the big decisions right.
I put Covid in old folks’ homes
and they all duly died
and when asked about it
of course I just lied.
But I wore a suit that day
that wasn’t too tight
so I’m delighted to say
I got the big decisions right. Harry Gallagher